One of the challenges of the notion of a healing community is dealing with the as-yet unhealed parts of ourselves.

I am proposing that the following practices would increase the healingness of a community, as well as contribute to the growth and healing of its individuals, by helping to establish a sense of safety and trust. My experience is that to be truly vulnerable and open for healing, we need to know that the people around us care about us and so will act in our best interest as much as possible. .

Acceptance

We need to fully accept each other as we are, where we are. This doesn't mean we accept being mistreated, or treated in ways we have said we don't like. Anything that someone is doing that does not harm others or truly interfere with our own healing, is okay and perfect for them to do. If we are bothered by the way someone dresses, what they do in their life outside of the healing community, which gender they choose to be intimate with, etc. we need to realize that our being bothered is our stuff, our shortcoming and nothing more and that we need to work on our level of acceptance.

Communication of Needs and Boundaries

We each need to know what we need from others, what we will and won't do, what we can and can't tolerate. For a fully enlightened being, this may not apply. A fully enlightened and healed being, sees bunny rabbits as bunny rabbits and lions as lions; and it's all the same to them. But for the rest of us, we have triggers. So, it's important to know what those triggers are for ourselves and to be able to tell others so that we can respect each others' needs as much as possible.

Boundaries can be in the areas of touch, speech, time and space. Some people love to be hugged and some don't. Some people want to talk about who won the football game and some don't. Some people like to sit right up close to others and some don't. And some people have time in general for social interactions and some don't.

We need to know and express our own boundaries and to not take personally others' limitations and boundaries.

Consideration

We need to be considerate of how others have told us they want to be treated as well as how we would want to be treated. This is just a step beyond the Golden Rule. We don't just ask ourselves "what would I want in this situation?" We also ask, "what would they want?"

Forgiveness

This is plainly essential. As much as one may strive to follow these principles, those separated parts of ourselves sometimes get triggered and lash out. We are fallible and imperfect. The feeling of safety needed for healing deep issues from very early in life cannot occur when someone is holding anger towards us. If we can't forgive, we need to consider if we are in the right place or what we need for reconciliation. Perhaps we no longer feel safe enough ourselves to heal what is underlying our anger.

Fun

Sometimes, healing can get emotionally draining and bring us down. We can get stuck in the poor-me's, or just chemically bogged-down. So, fun is a must! Singing, dancing, laughing, playing, running, jumping hollering for joy are all good things. Of course, we still want to be considerate in this, so we just need to be mindful of time and place and who's around and what's going on, right? We don't want to holler for joy too much when someone is receiving a healing session where it might disturb their process.

Gentleness

This means not only not lashing out in anger, but also really considering the delicate nature of some of the parts of us that need healing. Gentleness is also sometimes very important in the next practice, honesty.

Honesty

How can we possibly trust each other and feel safe if we aren't dedicated and committed to honesty? This doesn't mean cruel bluntness, of course. We don't have to tell someone if we don't like their shoes. We do need to tell them honestly things that matter and to not lie. Some people, if not all, have an internal lie-detector, and even if we're consciously fooled, somewhere inside we usually know if someone's lying to us. So the mistrust is created.

Now then, how can we know what to share and what not to share? We all filter what we say to others. If someone asks us what we had for lunch, they don't need or want to know every last detail, down to each ingredient in the bread, mustard, mayonaise of a sandwich.

I would propose that we use these types of questions to filter our communication in the context of a healing community.

• Am I triggerd? - Frist and formost, we need to check in with ourselves and our energy. Are we over-reacting to something in the present because it looks like something in the past? If so, it's so important to get grounded and centered before communicating and 'being honest' when really we are intending to lash out. Overall, this question helps us to be sure we have a truly positive intention in our communication.
  
• Will this information be of benefit? - In addition, what is the likely outcome of this communication. How will it be received? Will the person know that I care about them and be able to hear and understand my positive intention.
  
• Would this person want to know this? - Sometimes we have what may be considered bad news by another. Some people are more clear than others thaty they want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. For example, if somoene is on vacation and you talk and their dog died, you may withold the information until they get back. But all the while, you are in a sense being dishonest in this way. While it may not be of benefit in your opinion, for the enjoyment of this person's vacation, if the other person would want to know, wouldn't it be best to tell them? For all you know, it may be better for them to process the information while they are away.

Balancing these last two may not always be clear-cut. These are just some thoughts to help us to be honest in a helpful way to others.

Integrity

This is simply about doing what we say we're going to do. We need to be able to rely on each other. It is so easy to say, "I'll call you later," when we really don't have time later. It's easy to say, "yes, I'll be there," when really our schedule may change and it may not show up. Instead, we could say things like, "I'll call you later if I get a chance," "maybe we can talk later," "I'll be there if I can," or "I'll be there as far as I know right now."

Kindness

This is part of consideration, but a little more. Kindness is letting ourselves express our caring by way of actions. It can also be a form of forgiveness, treating someone well even if they aren't doing what we want or think they should do.

Non-Contention

There are many ways in which we invite contention, conflict or argument: stating opinions as though they are facts, talking about politics,, religion, abortion, or other heated issues, saying what is true to us as though we actually know and anyone who disagrees is wrong. Using language such as "What I believe is ...", "In my opinion ...", "... most likely", "I'm pretty sure that ...", and "... as far as I know" (just to name a few), can greatly help to temper conversation; as well as avoiding heated topics.

The thing to remember is that what you don't know is a whole heck of a lot bigger than what you do know. If we keep this in mind, it can help us to humble and realize that what we believe is usually not necessarily right or true, so much as the way you we things from your limited viewpoint and experiences, which are inherently different from others'.

Non-Judgment

In order to create a space for people to share, we need to not judge each other (or ourselves, for that matter) for what we have done. Most people, if not all, who have done harmful things to others, themselves, or the planet, have themselves been harmed and are in need of healing and compassion, not someone telling them (or thinking) how bad they are

Recognizing when Triggered / Self-Awareness

In addition to being important for our own healing, this is so important in how we interact with each other. The sooner we realize that our reaction to something / someone is because we see something that looks like something that happened to us in the past, (it's a bunny rabbit, not a lion), the sooner we can heal ourselves or seek help with the healing, and prevent lashing out at or causing harm to another.

Responsiveness

This is about not abandoning each other. Even if we can't have a lengthy response, even if we are needing to set a boundary, it is really helpful to let others know that that is what we are doing so that they know that you matter to them.

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